Run Reports

Run 1844 Wednesday 14 June 2017

Venue: The Port
Hare: Crash

Ah… “Nostalgia” – isn’t that supposed to be something like the yearning for those younger, better days – like when I could actually still run without sore everything… But of course nothing is ever the same as it used to be, right? Wrong! In the case of the Harriettes, hashing is every bit as fun as it was in those good ol’ Days of Yore.

It’s been how many years now since I ran with the Bangkok Hashes? More than I should dare confess, and honestly more than my few remaining brain cells can recollect… I am going to say 11 years – that’s my Lie and I’m sticking to it! – though Nibbles insists it is more like 17…. I would never dare disagree with She Who Must Be Obeyed! 😀

So time to get back out on a run this time in Bangkok, and lo and behold! It is Crash Daly setting a run at that sacred Hash site The Port, Must Go! Greeted with a big hug from co-hare Nibbles and a “where the hell have you been all these years?!…”

Off across the water – wonderful to just be on a boat at sunset on the Chao Praya again – and then off into the byways of Pra Pradaeng classic hash territory! A few more paved roads than I remember, but after a first check, quickly into the brush and jungle, narrow dirt trails, lots of stooping under and around trees, through tall grasses – watch out for snakes! 🐍 – and then out and around a good run through the park and various walkways and dirt paths in great Hash territory that doesn’t seem to have changed all that much!

A few fierce looking dogs guarding the sidewalks, a few false trails, wrong turns and back checks all keeping the pack reasonably together – sometimes I am out near front, then suddenly “how the hell am I behind everybody?” and running hard to catch up, ’cause I am afraid of getting lost in Hash terrain I used to know like the back of my hand… A good natter with Maverick catching up on all the years gone by, a little more walking now and a little less running than those Good Old Days, and there’s The On-In!

Back across the Chao Praya to the same wonderful convivial Harriettes apres-run festivities – everybody relaxing, good amber fluid flowing, cooling down, catching up with the Cap’n and others. GM gets the hare and co-hare in for what everybody seems to agree was a good run, down-down! A couple of visitors including a lovely lass from Barbados by way of London, more than half the circle seem to be returners, so we all clink paper cups together in a group down-down.

The RA steps in to dispense (in)justice and punishments for various real and imaginary infractions. Quite a bit of discussion about locking up 60-year old women in rooms, which seems objectionable, but certain elements of the circle seemed highly approving of the concept and duly received their down-downs…. God only knows what will happen when the Harriettes decide to lock up 60-year old Harriers on Wednesday nights!

Finally time for Tits of the Week and after a couple preliminary mild nominations, Nibbles of course singled out yours truly for not only not running for all these years, but actually living almost next door to her on Lang Suan at one point centuries ago back in 2007… Self-confessed and duly here to take my punishment!

But the TotW apparatus seems to have moved upscale a bit – in my fond memories of the Good Old Days, we just had a rubber-apron-like thingie with floppy tits that slipped over the head and neck… Here the Harriettes are stripping me down (yes, yes, oh dreams do come true!), but then fitting me out in a skirt and rhinestone bra and wig (no, no! No cross-dressing please…) and calling for a dance (oh Lord have mercy on my soul!…) and an enormous down down! Life is Good and it is great to be Back On The Hash Again!!

Highlight of the evening then is the On On On – home cooked Thai food from Crash, right there on-site…. Aroy maak maak!! Plenty of delicious food, beer and wine to drink and visiting with so many good friends and meeting newer Harriettes!

A wonderful evening all around and thank you to all! In the case of the Harriettes, “nostalgia” is totally unneeded, it is every bit as fun and wonderful as it was in those Days of Yore, these are indeed still the Good Old (New) Days, each week on the Bangkok Harriettes runs!

Run 1826 Wednesday 8 February 2017

Venue: Krungthep Kreeta Gai Yang Restaurant
Hare: Eat Me

In anticipation of Eat Me’s Harriette run in Krungthep Kreeta, 32 fellow hashers from the far reaches of Bangkok donned their hash togs and descended upon todays hash start point of the restaurant Gai Yang carpark. Selfie Queen showed off by running 9 km from his home to the start point for reasons best be known to himself. Perhaps to prove that the new haircut has not robbed him of his strength.

The trail

As soon as the clock struck 5.15 the GM Woody called the pack to order, the hare being summoned to explain what devious routes will be expected and what markings may or may not be used. Explanations complete and it all seemed simple enough, so we all rushed off in search of the trail in the wrong direction. Confusion reigned as front runners ran around like headless chickens in pursuit of the correct route. The more sedate and lethargic walkers observed what was going on headed off in the opposite direction only to find that they were on markings and therefore now the FRB’s. The runners suitably miffed soon corrected this situation and rushed past leaving us all behind.

However, my usual walking buddy Sheep Shagger did not return and had decided to take this opportunity of imitating Tickler and investigating the options open for other runs. This worried me for a couple of seconds and then I considered it was my duty to escort the knackered and unshaven Aunties Bitch (details to follow later) in a slow procession at the back of the pack. From this point on I do not remember much about the trail as I listened intently to his views on what a great guy Donald Trump is, and more interestingly his unbridled exploits (details to follow later) during his recent trip to the USA. OK, dear reader here is the dirt… Aunties Bitch had a brief liaison with a female lawyer during his trip. That’s it !!! but is It ?? Aunties Bitch departed immediately back to Thailand directly afterwards, now, will the said US lawyer not issue some sort of writ informing him that he is being sued for desertion, maintenance and who knows what else? Only time will tell !!

After just under an hour of these revelations we decided that we ought to concentrate on the hash trail, and unbelievably noticed that we were still on the markings and in striking distance of the finish and a well deserved beer. Despite being the last to arrive there were enough of the wonderful snacks for us to enjoy with our beer.

Something for us to ponder on – does Tom Yam Goon have some debilitating disease that she has not advised us of ? I only ask this as it can be noted that the ever considerate Boob a Lube is always there to hold her hand in comfort, to steer her along with a hand on her back and keep her upright with an arm around her in the circle. Perhaps now we are aware, we all ought to share this burden with Tom Yam Goon

The Circle

Woody jack booted her way into the circle and called those present to order. The hare was called and the run was reviewed as a pleasant and enjoyable 5km trail

We had 3 virgin hashers which Woody grilled in the usual way of “who made you come, was it long enough etc” then she asked which hash are you from. A bit of a trick question really as they obviously do not have a previous hash.

The next charges were aimed at visitors, and this sparked off a discussion of whether virgins are also visitors, but visitors are not necessarily virgins. And what is more important why are virgins as visitors entitled to two down-down beers and visitors only have one. The debate continues.

Max Factor was called in as a new boot, Max having limited comprehension of Woody’s Taiwanese English, had not the faintest idea of why she was there but was anxious to please and offered to hare the following weeks run. Surely an example to us all.

Woody handed over to Auntie Climax as RA who instantly called in Aunties’ Bitch to tell us about the secret of his one week of lust and debauchery which everybody had already heard about

Knockout Neptune was singled out for having a birthday, given a cake and left to consider the consequences about the number 69.

Not many more memorable charges other that Fat Shaggy is not as fat as Fat Auntie Climax

The circle was coming to a close and the nomination went to ……………..

On On

Run 1819 Wednesday 21 December 2016

Venue: Payap Pier
Hare: Short Shorts

Arriving at the Payap Pier A-site I was amazed to find this new, ultra-modern Footsal complex with a very hi-so eating establishment called Times and Tales. “Ambrose” peering through the windows said the food looked very delicious! With that preview, I was ready for the run to be over and the on-after to begin! The GM Mongolian Crotch finally called the hash to order and the instructions form the hare “Short-Shorts” was barked out. “This is a boat start and boat finish to the run”. “The run will last about 1 hour, but make sure you make it back to the pier by 20:00hrs cause that when the ferry stops running!” Whoa! Let’s do the math here. It’s now 17:15. Give another 15 min to get to the other side, so 17:30 start and a 18:30 finish. That 1.5hr differential made me suspicious!

Arriving on the other side we are greeted by the co-hare and the other half of the “snow-bird” pair that can’t seem to hack it the NE USA winter. Tinker then points us to the trail and we are off a pack of 17 dreaming of the on-after! However, with in 300 m we wind back towards the river and a check! Not being that stupid, I smell back-check and continue straight. I was correct, within 200m I spot an arrow pointing toward me coming out of a side alley. But wait a minute, that means I missed something. So back I go on these arrows to see the true trail. KC said f**k that, this is my chance to build a large lead towards ultimate victory and off he went. Retracing this loop placed me firmly in the mid/back of pack position where the Senator, OverSexed, KC’s Bitch and Jack Wow questioned what the hell I was doing. The next 3km consisted of narrow slum alleys, some gravel roads, all of which were interesting and punctuated with challenging checks, none of which were broken by the front-running Colonel.

Suddenly now the trail turns to dirt and the a hole-in-the-wall. It was interesting to see how hash-flash Wiggler was able to negotiate that small portal so effortlessly but most humorous to see her partner emerging from the same opening looking like Sadam Hussein in his “spider-hole” hide-out in 2003! The trail now continues to get more interesting. The military style obstacle course of dirt-cobble mounds followed by another dive into the jungle was most unexpected but welcomed, even though it was dark at this point! After about another 1km of this the trail emerged back to concrete and lighted streets and soon we were at on-in. Arriving at the pier, Tinker greeted us with water (most welcomed) and KC greeted us with “you guys did not do the whole trail, here’s what you missed” (not welcomed at all)! By the way this was a 1:15min with a lot of running!

Arriving back at the A-site, it was discovered that “Lobsterman” was missing! Hell, what’s happened here. Deep concern descends upon the pack. The Senator offers to coordinate rescue efforts from inside his van, however, within a minute, Lobsterman, strolls across the ramp of the pier to a hero’s welcome. Now the circle begins. Mongolian Crotch starts with returners, visitors, returners, etc. This was followed by an interesting story by Red Hot Lips on how she arrived home from school one day to find the pelt of her pet dog on the wall. Her father explained that “Spot” was in the pot and that dinner would soon be served. Just love the Chinese for that simplicity. Americans charged Trump/Chinese crap. Tit’s of the week goes to “pooh-ying”, next weeks run and other announcements are spewed. Now it’s time for on-after! What! Not the hi-so place 50 m away? No! Walk 550m down the street to a footpath, tin-table establishment! I’m hungry so I go. And to my delight, the food was very delightful and tasty, beer cold! If you are into dieting, sit beside Sheepshagger. I think he was packing it away for his winter trip to Spain. In the end a very good meal for a scant 200 baht. Thanks Short-Shorts, Nibbles, Tinker and all others involved for a great trail and on-after!

Run 1813 Wednesday 9 November 2016

Venue: Laap Bet Roi Et Restaurant, Suk Soi 50.
Pack total ca. 38; returners ca. 7; visitors: at least two (one medical tourist, one sex tourist).
Hare: Love Canal/ Co: (?)

Weather: threatening but didn’t; darkness threatening, and did. (The time of sunset is dictated by two factors – the earth’s tilt which makes the daylight hours longer or shorter, and to a lesser extent the fact that the earth’s orbit around the sun is an ellipse rather than a circle which makes ‘solar midday’ move. OK, got that? Just nod your heads. Now we can move on.)

First, must thank Dodic & Snakebite for breaking the checks with orange chalk, although, I’m not sure they were fully aware of the reason they were given the chalk. There were orange arrows everywhere. There was even one on a vendor’s cart. Maybe that’s because there was flour on the vendor. (LC, that’s a bit over the top.)

The hare deserves credit for a short chalk talk and a medium run, a 7.3 km trail with checks that kept Bullit and Hema somewhat together, bringing up the rear. KC was in that group, not a testimony to a well-laid trail, but the result of KC’s signature style of blind overshooting, consternation, realization, and recovery. Fortunately that put him in a position to guide Short Shorts to the On In.

The chalk talk also contained an unnecessary last-second reference to a short-cut. Or maybe not, LC couldn’t quite recall what he’d done. (LC, all those trails you’ve set seem to merge into one fuzzy, beery memory?)

In fact, there is no need to announce short-cuts. The Bangkok SCBs are old hands at it. Come to think about it, they are just plain old. (Consider Sheepshagger!) All the SCBs, except Tinker, can cut the run in half and make it look easy. Tinker has a genius for selecting long dead end alleys.

Lobsterman is an exception. He does the entire trail at a respectable pace. He’d be like the wind if he had a motorized Zimmerframe. But why rush when there are so many interesting mental excursions and half-remembered hash songs as he wanders down memory lane.

Somebody is sure to have the GPS track of the run, and anyone not mentioned here wasn’t seen by the scribe, so no doubt did the entire trail. I’m fairly sure that includes Sweetie and Diarrhea, and Pat Pong, Sizzler and Short-Shorts. Short Time (ooops, Short Change) would have been part of that group, but she was waylaid by the siren call of Tesco-Lotus.

The circle was gray, somber and subdued. Even Sauerkraut was silent. (Thank goodness Virginia Slim wasn’t there.) Returners were invited in for a beer, some were shushed, others were not. (Not sure why an exuberant circle couldn’t be interpreted as a sign of joyous approval for the accession of the Crown Prince?) Tasty Tail and Bangcook were leavers, but not called in for a drink. Go away slowly, please come back quickly.

Woody, the honorable GM herself, finally interrupted the brooding silence by announcing that for the foreseeable future there would be no circle, just socialist drinking. Quiet, respectful socialist drinking. Also, only brown bottles would be served. No more green beer. Fruit is out, salty snacks like crisps, peanuts, and pizza are in. (Great!)

KC insisted there were announcements, but I can’t recall any. Cap’n Eric and Mike the Visitor both paid me 100 Baht to be mentioned in the write-up. So, OK, Hi Cap’n! Hi Mike!

Ms Na ordered the OnOnOn food.  And it was good. Intestines, entrails, and other body parts I thought appeared only on reality TV. Easy to wash down with beer. Jumpstart loved it, and managed to pack quite a bit of the leftovers into her backpack. (Along with some forks, spoons, and a beer mug.)

Did anyone see the hare’s pratfall outside the crapper? Always playing to the crowd, he is. (Note to Sweetie, don’t try that again at home.)

The end of another good day in Bangkok. Thanks hare & missus.

Run 1806 Wednesday 21 September 2016

Hare: Canonball
Location: Sara Jane’s, Chong Nonsi

The run directions sent us to Chong Nonsi BTS station, from which I alighted and continued to play Pokeman. A light drizzle was ensured, but was nothing to stop a seasoned hasher or a determined Pokeman player.  Upon reaching the run-site restaurant a few Weedles and Rattata later, and with my ball bag full, I spotted Selfie Queen in a full selfie pose getting his selfie taken. I thought he was another Pokeman at first, then realized I’d reached the runsite.

By the time the pack was called at 5:30, a better than expected group were present given that it was raining, with at least 20+ hashers present. And there were several more late hashers still en-route, including Doggy Style and Minnie Me who turned up on their bikes just as the run started.

Boob-a-lube, as is custom, ran a virtual hash trail, that was 2 km shorter than the what the rest of pack ran, but at least he was able to claim to be the first runner back. That claim stood until the rest of the pack arrived back. The customary argument ensured for the next 10 minutes, after which it was established that Boob-a-lube had missed the dead-centre of Bangkok, and was there-by proclaimed a short-cutter.

The hares, Cannon Ball and Knockout Neptune advised us that there was a slippery part somewhere along the run. Of course no-one knew when to expect this slippery part, and the only way to find was to actually slip; or at least for the first person to encounter it to slip over… I believe that honour went to Bullit.

Minnie Me got lost right from the start. Although he arrived late together with Doggy Style, she left him behind in a cloud dust (mud?) and soon caught the pack, leaving Minnie Me languishing behind in the mud. He was never seen again until the end of the run.

So overall, a good 7km run in perfect running conditions in a light refreshing drizzle for the entire run, with some spectacular lightning strikes in the background.

Mongolian Crutch soon took control and called the circle. One visitor and numerous returners were charged. Boob-a-lube had to fill in as Normal’s Arse. Nibbles is still lamenting that there are no young men coming to the hash. Ambrose noted that any girl is considered “young” to him, no matter the age. Boob-a-lube announced he was looking for a replacement partner for this coming Friday night. And finally Snakebite was charged for being a cheap-charlie and not paying for Pat Pom’s run fees (well actually, in-directly, he did pay).

And thanks to Canon Ball for a good on-on meal afterwards.

Run 1804 Wednesday 7 September 2016

Hare: Dripper
Location: Cowboy Restaurant, Nakon In Road

The hash taxi group, excellently arranged and managed by Sheep Shagger and which included yours truly, arrived at the Cowboy Restaurant early. A few others were already there, but the vast area of concrete around this popular run site looked pretty deserted. Over the next half hour, however, a decent turnout materialized and was circled up by the GM to listen to Hare Dripper’s briefing. Flour, chalk, paper, take a left said the Hare, pointing to the car park exit…

Under cloudy, but not too hot, breezy conditions, the pack scuttled, sauntered out on time, or even a few minutes ahead of the 5.30pm scheduled start, and soon separated into FRBs, MRBs, the main pack, SCBs and walkers. All except Tickler, that is. Heavily camouflages as usual, he took a right out of the car park and was not seen again for quite a while…
In addition to, or as a result of the ‘unavailability’ of the designated hare (Sir Bog Diver) there was, apparently, a mix up over the restaurant arrangements, which had to be sorted, and was, by Boob a Lube, so no problem in the end.

But what about the run? Run 1804 consisted of just 5-6km of trail, well marked, with a couple of check backs, lots of paper and not at all muddy, because the threatening rain held off. It was a mixture of road, footpath, klong side, shiggy and the de rigeur rubbish tip or two. Quit a bit of déjà vu but some unfamiliar bits too. Your scribe got round in 45 minutes – his fastest finish ever – and was greeted to the On-in by the FRBs (plus a few SCBs). Over the next 30 minutes all the rest returned, except Tickler, who got back just before dark. This heralded the end of rehydration procedures (beer drinking) and chatting. As a few spots of rain fell, the circle was called.

The rain may have held off for the run – but not for the circle. GM Woody Mongolian Crotch welcomed returners (6, including the GM) 2 New Boots (not virgins). The absent designated Hare, Sir Bog Diver was pilloried for pulling the plug at the last minute; the Hare and his Ass (Hema) were thanked for stepping in at short notice; an appeal was issued for volunteer future hares by the Trailmistress… Notices were delivered. When the rain got heavier, RA and Headmistress, Linda No Meat took charge of the circle and issued and invited charges for misdemeanors. Umbrellas were permitted, but not if called in for questioning. Your scribe was charged with lingering on the trail with Hash Flash and nominated for TOTW, as was the Hare – who was awarded the honour by acclaim.

The OnOnOn was excellent and a pleasant variation on your typical pre-arranged Hash fare (e.g. no omelettes). I must say I enjoyed the food, the beer, the wine and the company – until being appointed to do the write up put a damper on things…

ON ON!

Tapeworm.

Run 1801 Wednesday 17 August 2016

Hare: Tickler
Location: Ratchapreuk

The run site was reached going in front of the restaurant from where numerous hash runs had been made, but, alas, it was now being demolished. Same as many areas being forever lost for hashing through “development”.

Following the invasion of T Shirt collectors on Run 1800, the attendance slumped to below 20 or so for Tickler’s run, who had kindly stepped in at the last minute due to a LATE hare cry off.

The hare  said it was not a long run, 5km or so.  The pack took off at the appointed time and after a short drift on concrete, turning right, the songtaews were reached to take the pack to starting point B, for a run back to A. Driving on some familiar tarmac, it took only a few minutes to arrive at the drop off point.

Into some interesting bush was a good start, leading to first check just back on the roadside. Much checking to the  left and right and middle, the pack lost considerable time scouring, some of it with eyes closed. At this point it was too much for the three enterprising hashers who decided to check further deep up front and came upon paper. It took them about 45-50 minutes to reach the beer truck.

Back at the check, eventually Snakebite again checking left on the road found paper heading back into the bush for an interesting spell; Snowy somehow got himself on the wrong side of a big ditch and was last seen backing up to rectify his error. Out into a temple, but which one? A check in the corner slowed the pack, until left call and off down the tarmac, but not for long with a sharp left turn, missed by many, back into the bush, only to re-emerge onto tarmac several times.

The short-cutters entertained themselves with the catches of some fishing enthusiasts, who had landed a very large, about 6 kg, catfish, taking selfies and group photos. Cold beer went down well, while waiting for the other hashers to reach point A. They made it back in about 1hour 15 minutes.

But where was Snowy, the stalwart from the Bangkok Hash ? Let us read his part below :

Many direction changes led to much confusion, where was home, sadly no sun provided. Then darkness descended, more rapidly than expected in the thick bush. However, a well-marked trail eventually led back to a familiar piece of tarmac with a left turn taking Snowy back along the road used by the outbound songtaews.

All agreed a good run, even Snowy acknowledged plenty of paper.

The circle was called. The hare was justly rewarded for an interesting run that he had to set, in short notice. Returnees were recognized and miscreants were given the downs.

The scribe was not able to go to the ONONON restaurant nearby,  due to other commitments.

It was an excellent afternoon and evening at the westside of the river.

Run 1716 Wednesday 31 December 2014

Hares: Boob-a-lube and Legiron
Location: Thailand Cultural Centre

The last hash of the year, was it up to hasher’s expectations or just a duster, destined to be forgotten in the annals of hash misery? Read on, and you may find out.

Well, KC was the hare, known for reasonably long and interesting city runs, so the premises looked good. Leg-Iron was the co-hare, which of course added a twist of uncertainty and mystery. The hash-site, at Cultural Centre to emphasize the importance and status of the hash in society, was well chosen with deep cultural awareness, quite unusual for an American, particularly an ex-diplomatic corps/CIA member. And it was easy to get to by MRT. Most people heeded the advice apart from some non-drinkers and the chauffer driven elite. First it looked like a rather puny turnout, but slowly the hashers trickled in, one by one or in pairs, occasionally in threesomes, and reluctantly parted with their hard earned cash to cough up the run fee, which has been kept rather stable for the last few months despite rising booze prices, taxi fares, massage cost, etc. Possibly the oil price drop helped in some miraculous ways? Most of the hash mismanagement was also present including the hare, raising the confidence of the pack to actually get back to the run site on the marked trail. Still, most hashers tucked in a few notes to meet potential taxi/motorbike/skytrain or subway charges and an emergency beer, all based on solid previous experiences.

Off the pack went with the visitors leading and chasing the dogs out of the way. Upstairs we went on to a road overpass and cris-crossing some village style housing areas. The New Year celebration preparations were in full swing and the locals looked on in bewilderment and curiosity when we came to a check and went running around like a headless bunch of chicken. But in the end we managed to break the checks, carefully watched by the hare, who didn’t seem to trust his hash trail laying capabilities. But on the other hand, what did the NSA say all the way: ‘control is better than trust’.

Second part of the trail was ruled by the klongs, or open sewers in a more common language. Usually there is a narrow pathway on both sides of the klongs (sound much nicer, doesn’t it), more designed for maintenance access, I suppose than for running along. Particularly hazardous were the erased horizontal concrete bars perpendicular to the klong and the klong-parallel pathways. It’s not quite clear what the purpose is of these concrete bars: – to prevent the klong walls from caving in? – to provide a short cut across the klong or to prevent people from walking along the klongs? So much concentration was needed that one of the happy hashers, our good old Snowy, – who is by default not the shortest hasher anyway -, had an affair with a naughty tree branch sticking out at a rather unfortunate angle and ripping his skull; well, certainly the skin.

That was bad enough, and when Snowy showed up at the run site, guided by his life saver KhunTiradet after making the unusual wise strategic decision to take a short cut, we weren’t sure if the zombies were loose as an apocalyptic end to the year and the world in large. Anyway, once we realised that it was Snowy, and the mother instinct of the girls overcame their fear of blood, he got preferred status treatment by some girls who tried to clean up the mess. There was blood everywhere: on the shirt, the shorts, the limbs, the ground and the head of course, gushing down from the cut. Just as well the hash site was a poorly lit car park on rough ground and away from the public and restaurant staff; otherwise it may have been again our last hash at a good location. It looked really bad and none of these Hollywood producers could have done a better job for their horror movies. Is this a potential future business opportunity for Snowy? Never mind, we were all deeply concerned and a hasher took him to hospital after prolonged clean-up efforts. To everybody’s relieve Snowy was showing up later at the on-on, nicely cleaned, fresh clothes (the hash trash must have made a fortune?) and only seven stitches. And he looked so happy, thanks to the lovely nurses who took care of him. Hope he won’t make a habit of this. And the question of the night: will he sue the owners of the tree? Most probably not, since he is not an American brought up in a litigation culture, but took it like a British gentlemen in his own stride.

Well, so much about the excitement of the klongs. Just beware. After an obstacle course across football fields, secret doors in mesh gates and skirting some wasteland area we were back in cultured city streets, helped by the ever welcome ‘in home’ sign. What a misnomer. Another mile and a cheeky ‘really in home’ sign misled a visiting hasher: Instead of going back the 50m to the run site, he was too observant and clever, – or just from West-Virginia, and went up the overpass again to the other site for a second round. Everybody else made it sooner or later to the run site without an issue, enjoying a beer or two and the tasty snacks our lovely ladies had prepared.

Somehow the numbers had swelled considerably to some 25 plus hashers with a lot of late-comers showing up, and that on a public holiday, either chasing the running pack or just staying for the social. Down-downs for the hare, the late-comers, the returners including Gringo, the once a year Wednesday hasher, and the visitors, most from Virginia including Ross, the double circuit man, presumably from West-Virginia? It was almost like a Virginia Slime reunion party. Guess who made it for ‘tits-of-the-week’? Ross of course, his lovely girl friend from Orlando watching mesmerised.

Enjoy the professional pics of our grand hash flash and a happy New Year, your scribe Sauerkraut!

Run 1700 Thursday 23 October 2014

Hares: Vichai Cool and No Good Boyo
Location: Samut Songkram

An adventurous, but easily reached, location at Samut Songkhram for the auspicious 1700 run was selected by Vichai together celebrating Piya’s 1700th birthday. Baan Maichailan is a well appointed and reasonably priced resort in amongst the mangrove of the MaaNaam Mahkrong’s spreading delta.

Folks turned up at various times on Wednesday the first being Miles and Simon the last struggling in were Anders and Red hot lips. All gathered round the array of beer coolers some supplied by the enduring Nibbles. The Kitchen was kept open for the earlier arrivals but later ones fared well on Sizzlers barbequed chicken and pork bits.

After some concerted imbibing, a remarkably sensible gathering of hashers packed up and offed to the stilted bungalows some retreating a little earlier so as not to disturb the rest of us with their bull frog displays.

Shortly after retiring, the heavens opened providing a remarkable amount of water in heavy monsoon sheets wiping out Vichai’s preset trail and creating an interesting surface to attempt to run on the following day. It did however drown out bullfrog noises …or so the critters thought.

Dawn broke with well drained skies and a few true blue Buddhists making merit by feeding the monks. Then the rest of us. A bountiful breakfast filled our bellies to ensure an uncomfortable run with fish soup, cold eggs and fluorescent jammed toast being entertained to an unusual form of food blending.

Fortunately, the slippery sludge brought the entire crew, given that we appeared to be at sea in a sticky grey swollen mass, to a careful walk on Vichai’s trail reset at 5.30 am. The first hurdle came early on, a bamboo bridge with a meagre handrail in the centre section only. This caused an immediate crisis to the proceedings. Ambrose gallantly ditched himself into the undergrowth beneath the bridge to give a supporting hand to those whose centre of gravity allowed them to pass including the intrepid Japanese sprogs.

A few, less willing to gamble broken arms, legs and necks against the status of having crossed a well greased set of bamboo poles, set off back to the alternative safer route. This turned out to be even more dangerous after heaven had dropped its wet linen overnight on the levees of silt with speedy Ed sinking up to his armpits in no time at all. Thus the run turned into a walk for most.

The bridge crossers and others, safe and not sorry, soon intersected after the Wat.

The walk-run continued along a reasonably adventurous and interesting but not too difficult trail through back yards full of cockle, the main marine farming of the region, shells still embedded in our soles as we washed our runners later. Often locals would try to direct us to a drier route not grasping the nature of a hash.

Finally back to the ON ON. Commemorative T shirts were distributed with all sorts of comments and charges enough to run into the secondary adventure prior to an marine lunch. Happy birthday towels also were generously handed out. The main Down Down was the two young Japanese hashers who were ahead of many of the longer legged ones. Mind you, we were all feeling 2 inches (5 cm) taller after the run. The additional height gained from adhering silt mud to our treads, enough collectively to refill on of the ‘bungs’ nearby.

Clambering into the resort’s boat, we set off with prepared young mangrove trees to plant which would assist maintaining the mangrove. Beer continued to flow as we weaved through the bamboo fenced cockle fields to an inlet of the special recovery zone of the mangrove. Bananas were distributed to feed the mangrove monkey population however many hashers thought they were the monkeys. At the sound of the boat, well trained macaques advanced light footed to the shore ready for some fast farang food. Fast as the bananas were hurled towards the monkeys some who seemed to have taken diving lessons to recover the sunken treasures.

Shoeless, to prevent the silt mud suction claiming them as irrecoverable prizes for the mangrove leprechauns, about ten hardy hashers slithered and squelched up the slippery slope to plant the young ones near the projects name plaque. Some got so deeply sucked in to the point of being in danger of being overcome by the advancing boat.

After a great deal of merriment and facial massages being given, especially to those in most need, all safely cleaned up sufficiently to let their slimey feet grip the smooth ladder steps, it was off to lunch.

And what a lunch it was. Further out through the marine highway of fenced off mussel farms, we moored next the stilted restaurant. Up we went to the squattest of squat seats (for farang, some who triple tiered them) to a delicious seafood banquet. Tom yam talay, fried fish, crab, cockles, tot man kung and other fishy things were washed down as beer and wine flowed freely until a bottle of wine with the ancient traditional cork was encountered …but no cork opener. After a shudder of doom passed through the wine drinkers, a good whack over its neck saw the wine, without glass splinters or cork bits, flow safely down the necks of whimpering winos.

Time for a paddle. Not on the beach, you sons and daughters of beaches, kayak paddling. Off a few went across the still bay of cockles. It seems most if not all, finally returned. Time for home, Baan Maichailan for a final shower and a redistribution of passengers to attending vehicles just in time to catch the returning traffic jams. Small accidents assisting delay, fortunately to none of our party who made is safely and happily back to the big smoke.

Thanks to Vichai and Piya, I am sure from all, for a wonderful breath of fresh air to a seldom visited yet not distant part of Samut Songkhram and Petchaburi.

Run 1691 Wednesday 9 July 2014

Hares: Senator and Pork Finder
Location: Sukhumvit 63

12 Harriettes, 9 Harriers, 1 Visitor – Female, 22 Total

It’s wet, it’s a city run, and do we go? Of course when two of your best buddies are the hares!! Well that’s what Pink Panther said to me and along with about 20 others we braved the elements and pollution for a great afternoon and evening of hashing.

On arrival at the run site (at the restaurant on the corner of soi 63 and Sukhumvit rd) we were greeted by the unholy site of some ancient farang tosser who should have been “tits of the week” (more on that later) doing push ups in the car park to impress the young Harriets.

It was great to see a few familiar faces and the odd returner mingling in the ensemble that had gathered for the run. And of course the lovely nibbles collecting the cash, and who sneakily ambushed me for this write up. What could I say when she put it so nicely?

At the appointed hour the skies cleared, the senator gave us a lengthy summation of the markings of the day (you’d think after all these years we’d know them by now) and the pack was called ON ON.

Over 63 up Sukhumvit and across the road to a large loop around soi 36/38 and across to Rama 4. A couple of good checks really kept the pack together as we made our way through small and large back sois, sub sois and more sois.  Lots of new condos mixed with large homes and small communities and the odd factory. What else can you say about a city run!!

But no dogs.

As we hit Rama 4 the purists were lured by the hares trickery to cross the road only to be met by a short cutting pink panther and his aussie mate about a kilometre down the road when they were forced to re-cross it. There shortcutting buggers had come from back markers to front runners, in the space of a 5 minute passage. Nice work Senator!

But there is a just God! The short cutters were caught when they tried the same stunt only 50 metres further on when they stayed on Rama 4 rather than trying to solve a good forward check  that took them back into the small sois between 38 and 40, which would have saved them a long walk home.

Around the corner the Ekamai BTS station is in view and ON IN chalked on the ground.

A great 1 hour city run without much pollution and no incidents.

Back at the car park a few beers were consumed as returners shared tales of the time away from the hash, and otherwise caught up with old friends and  latecomers appeared, who had not run the hash, including Trish Morgan and her daughter who turned up to say good bye – this was to be their last ever hash in Bangkok, before returning home, after 20 plus years living here, on and off.

And the circle. Down downs for the hares, the returners, the visitors and the sinners all under the control of the grand mattress. And the RA did her thing bringing the hares in for another drink until some “German tosser” took control of the circle and promptly gave the grand mistress a down despite howls of protest from the crowds. Where was the little man of “it never happened in my time” fame to bring order and respect to a circle?

And finally TITS OF THE WEEK. It should have been, but was not the push up wanker. Four candidates but this guy was it – his antics had earned him the title, no ifs, not buts, he was a lay down misire!!!

Well that is until along comes Boob-a-Lube. This guy hijacked the entire circle and process of getting the push up tosser lined up for the title.

I am not sure who was to blame either the aussie returner or Boob-a-Loob but the aussie nominates this guy whilst KC is off getting a beer with Ambrose. And Ambrose comments that being away from the circle at this point of the proceedings is “BEST PRACTICE” to avoid the tile, to which KC agrees.

With 4 nominations for the title in the circle, KC returns to the circle and I hear him and the aussie have a chat about the nominations.  And I don’t know what transpired next but KC has some form of brain snap and charges into the circle to announce to the RA more charges for the push up wanker, but he only he repeats the original charge. The circle erupts, the RA dismisses all four contenders for the title and without any hesitation announces that KC is “TITS OF THE WEEK”.

There is unanimous support for the RA’s decision and Boob-a-Loob’s protests, only add to his misery. But he did manage to offload some of the misery to his aussie mate who was dragged into the circle for the down down that followed.

Our thanks to the Senator and Pork Finder for a great run made more enjoyable by an entertaining circle and a superb On On On,  paid for by the hare.

Run 1690 Wednesday 2 July 2014

Hares: Disgusting and Bob-a-lube
Location: Im Pla Pao, Nakon Inn Road

Wednesday 2nd July 2014….Location ..Almost in TESCO somewhere in Bang Cock….underneath the outgoing flight path from Don Meeangue airport….in a rather tatty car park…

This was a slim (certain members NOT so slim) pack numbering no more than 10…(Us Irish have trouble counting beyond that….)….A significant downpour probably put off the softies…and washed some of the paper and chalk marks away.

Fastest runner of the day was ‘SNIFFY’..a wee white terrier doggie….who survived unprovoked canine bite marks in the bum to finish first. Most impressive.

Us two visitors, on lay-over between Dili and Cambridge, were the only truly ‘International Hashers’ there. Now ‘Impressive’ isn’t a word I use too often when running from a shitty car park in front of Tesco’s…but this run was …… with REAL CHECKS and REAL JUNGLY bits and an assistant hare who didn’t interfere and let us HARD CORE hashers work it out….smiling locals, rabid dogs (see above), man eating red ants and stinky klongs that tried to swallow the only HARRIET on the trail…(U-Bend spouse of this author..)…. all served to turn this from a well laid, well papered and arrowed run into an IMPRESSIVE FEAT of hashing brilliance amidst the foetid smelliness of horrid walls, stinky ditches and smelly locals that is suburban Bang Cock in mid 2014…

A bloke with a decrepid and off tune yodel (owner of the said wee doggie) turned out to be the RA…being the recently retired RA of Dili Puddle Jumpers HHH, I kept my trap shut and let him get on with crucifying the whole ‘CIRCLE’ thing with bad jokes and excruciatingly BAD attempts at the Down Down song…..he’d better not give up his day job is all I can say!!

To add to his ineptitude, he (and the rest of the misinformed pack) dobbed this author in as ‘TIT of the WEEK’ for the honourable and noble cause of trying to save the world from a pandemic of unknowable and probably incurable diseases picked up over the last nine years in Dili, the incredibly awful capital slum of Timor-Leste. (Go to Bali and forget to get off the plane. Just keep going and you’ll get there…)

To this end, the said author drank NO BEER ‘cos he is going to get de-bugged at a well known (and very expensive) Bang Cock-ian medical establishment beginning with BUM….THINK, “ Hmmm..some of the nurses have nice BUMS…” so his spouse, the incomparable U-Bend..(currently snoring loudly in the bed beside this author) manned up, to drink all the beer for him….hence the tunefull, roller coaster snoring…

This wifely beer drinking continued apace as the rabble consumed a very fine meal at the local eatery at the far end of the shitty car park (honourably paid for by the faultless and marvellous hares I understand) and then the whole pack went home, suitably replete and wonderous of the magnificent trail this fine evening.

So reports Shamcock, Dili Puddle Jumpers HHH Religious Advisor (RETIRED).

Run 1685 Wednesday 28 May 2014

Hares: Weedeater and No Meat
Location: Supalai Tanon Tok

ต้อนรับการวิ่งหลังประกาศ รัฐประหาร ( Martial Law ) hare and co-hare จัดวิ่งแบบใหม่ ไม่มีการวางกระดาษ หรือสัญญลักษณ์ ใดๆทั้งสิ้น hare แจกแผนที่พร้อมดินสอ และ ถุงพลาสติค คนละใบ ในแผนที่มีรายละเอียด ทั้งหมด 11 ข้อ แต่ละข้อ ระบุเป็นคำสั่งเพื่อให้คนวิ่งหา สัญญลักษณ์ ให้เจอ และออกวิ่งหาจุดต่อไป

The first Wednesday run after the Martial Law has been announced, the Hare & Co-hare (Weed eater / No-meat) decided to create a new type of run for the Harriettes day with no trails, no paper, no mark at all for the runners, all they received was a map, pencil, and a plastic bag (to cover paper incase rain or sweat).

The map consisted of the following clues: ตัวอย่างเช่น :
1. เสาในซอย Concrete Post on the soi
2. ใต้ขั้นของเสา Under the concrete shelf
3. ในสวน บนกำแพงติดแม่น้ำ In the park ,on the wall next to the river
4. บนเสาซ้ายมือของซอย On concrete post on left side of Soi
5. ซอย 105 Soi 105
6. บนกำแพงฝั่งตรงข้าม On the wall at the crossroad
7. ใต้สะพาน BRT เจริญราษฎ์ Under the BRT Charoenrat bridge
8. ใกล้เรือ Near the Boat
9. บนซีเมนต์เหนือสะพาน On a concrete just over the bridge
10. บันไดไม้ Wooden steps
11. บนเสาใกล้สะพาน คลอง On the concrete post near the klong bridge

ก่อนวิ่งมีการแบ่งกลุ่ม @3-4 คน จุดสตาร์ทเริ่มจาก หน้า คอดโดของผู้จัด จุดแรกออกวิ่งไปที่ ถนน มไหสวรรค์ ตามแผนที่ระบุ เพื่อหาสัญญลักษณ์ บนเสา ตามข้อ 1 เสาในซอย แต่ละกลุ่มเริ่มกระจัดกระจายแบ่งเป็น นักวิ่งตัวยงออกวิ่งด้วยความรวดเร็ว และสาวๆ Sexy harriettes นักเดิน ไม่มีการเรียก On..Call ให้รู้ว่าอยู่ที่ไหน หรือส่งเสียงใดๆทั้งสิ้น แม้แต่คนที่วิ่งถึงจุดแรกก่อน ไม่มีการบอกข่าวว่าสัญญลักษณ์ นั้นคืออะไร ช่างเข้ากับสถาณการณ์ที่เป็นแบบ รัฐประหาร ( Coup Deta’) จริงๆ ปิดหู ปิดตา ปิดปาก และทำตามที่ hare สั่ง ………!

Before the run, the group had been divided into groups of 3-4 people. The starting point was in front of the Supalai Casa Riva, where we started our run at the Mahaisawan Rd, the group followed the map to find out what the first exciting clue was about. The fastest runners ditched the group and ran straight ahead. Whereby, the high-heel harriette’s walkers were walking slow but sexy. No one called “On..Call“, no sign, no signal no one told anyone what & where the direction were, we were divided, just like the current trend going on in Thailand, the “Coupe Deta”. Therefore, close your mouths, ideas and LISTEN TO THE HARE!

การค้นหาแผนที่วิ่งเป็นไปอย่างสนุกสนานกระจัดกระจาย ไม่มีการเช็ค ไม่มี กระดาษหรอก FT จุดที่ยากต่อการค้นหาอีกจุดหนี่งคือ ข้อ 7 ใต้สะพาน BRT สถานี เจริญราษฎ์ ( Under the BRT Charoenrat bridge ) เนื่องจากเป็นสถานีรถ ประจำทางด่วนพิเศษ คล่อมอยู่บนถนน 8 เลน พร้อมเกราะกลางถนน และมีหลายเสามาก ไม่รู้ว่าอยู่เสาลูกไหน ฝั่งไหน ซ้ายของถนน หรือ ขวาของถนนอีกฝั่งหนึ่ง คุณ หิมะ-Snowy เสียเวลาบ่นอยู่นานว่า เขาใช้เวลาอยู่นานในการหา สัญญลักษณ์ บนเสาไม่รู้ว่า ฝั่งไหนของเสา ความมมึดเริ่มมาเยือน มองไม่เห็นอ่านไม่ออก หาไม่เจอ

The searching run had been spread out ,no paper , no check no false-trail . The most difficult area were no. 7 “ under BRT Charoenrat bridge . The road has been divided into 8 lanes with the middle barrier divided ..it took Snowy more than 10 mts. to find out where the sign was …We were rushed out in the night & hard to read w/o any light ….

เริ่มCircle โดยการ down down ต้อนรับการเปลี่ยนแปลง การจัดวิ่ง ของ Hare ให้สอดคล้องกับ รัฐประหาร ตามด้วย Double down down กับแผนที่ที่สับสน และ down down สุดท้าย สำหรับ hare & co-hare ใน ความคิดสร้างสรรเปิดเผย อักษรย่อในการหาสัญญลักษณ์ 10 ข้อ คำว่า “ Short Change “ ……honor to GM …..Down Down ….

“ Parnic Curfew “ Boo-ba-lupe ถูกเรียกออกมาใน circle เพราะ Panic curfew …หลังการประกาศ curfew ระหว่างเวลา 22:00 pm – 05:00 am ตัดสินใจถึง สนามบิน เวลา 04:30 am เครื่องออก เจ็ดโมงเช้า กลัวตกเครื่องบิน

“ Latest arrived “ ..down down Snowy หิมะ เข้าวินคนสุดท้าย
ปากหมา ยกให้ Boo-ba-lupe ในข้อหา พูดจาล่อแหลม กับ RA – Sizzler
Boo-ba-lupe for being inrespective to RA
Tilt of the week “ Nomeat “

The circle started around 19:00 pm by calling hare & co-hare for down ..down .. to create the new run w/o any paper , FT or being called for On..Call. We called it “The Revolution run”, followed with Boo-ba-lupe as a Panic Curfew …on the day that coupe deta’ has been announced with curfew . He decided to go to the airport at 04:30 am ….another down down for boo-ba-lupe being inrespective for RA

Last but not least Tilt of the week is No Meat …
Social Drink had carried on for 5 mts. after we had finished the circle with special drink provided from GM …”Poison Drink” ….On..ON..

Thank you to HHH Piss – P Kim to carry all refreshment up to the roof-top ..
จบด้วย Social drink 5 นาที พร้อมเครื่องดื่ม “ Poinson Drink” จาก GM

สัจจธรรม ของความคิดที่แตกต่าง ไอเดียใหม่ หรือ ไอเดียเก่า ความเคยชินในระบบเก่า หรือเรียนรู้ในระบบใหม่ ทุกคนต้องรู้จักการเคารพ สิทธิ ในความแตกต่าง ไม่ว่าความแตกต่างอะไรจะเกิดขึ้น การเรียนรู้ เกิดขึ้นได้เสมอ

Run 1666 Wednesday 16 January 2014

After a fun day sitting in the middle of the street in Silom, about 30 Hashers (reluctantly) gave up their rattles, whistles and vocal abuse and set off to find the restaurant that Cannonball and Ambrose had designated as the meeting point. Due to the earlier mentioned entertainment the turn-out was quite good for a Wednesday event at 17.15, a time often hard to make for those few working types, who mingle with the majority of Bangkok lay-abouts!

The run itself was well marked and of necessity on concrete all the way. It was notable for the lack of soi dogs; however one irate local resident made up for this disappointment by expressing loudly and angrily about the invasion of a strange and motley group into his neighbourhood.

Some parts of the trail were rather unhealthy with a large amount of dead people getting in the way! It seemed that most of these poor souls were Chinese, who had crowded together for mutual protection from the Harriett’s invasion! At one stage the disturbance was too much for the ancestors, who summoned up some bees to counter-attack and 2 of the Harriett’s were left with very sore body parts. Sad to admit that some Hashers did the cowardly short-cut trick through the cemetery and luckily 2 of these offenders, “Splat” and ” Sharpener” were caught out and shamed in the circle! [Note that 2 Hasher’s unnamed, who actually started that cheating trail, cowered in the fringes of the circle and despite Splat’s best efforts were not unmasked]

Run 1666 was graced by the presence of some newcomers, 2 sylph-like girls from the “boonies” of Minnesota, “She Spits” and Jackie, and a non-runner, Cow Piss who paid up anyhow and a Scottish Sea Captain (at least it was assumed that he came from Scotland as his mumblings were completely unintelligible!) The GM in his usual arrogant manner decided to break all the usual democratic rules of Hash-naming and to promptly name him “Discharged Semen” – it must be nice to have such power! “Discharged Semen” was one of three newcomers to become New Boots this week. The other two were “Ass Buster” and “Doggy Style” In the meantime his better-half “No Meat” was also exhibiting diminished mental responsibility, claimed to be associated with a severe case of jet-lag.

Run 1665 Wednesday 9 January 2014

(the last Harriettes run before the Big Bangkok Shutdown)
Hare: Noriega
Location: The Port

This week the Harriettes were blessed with a veteran hare from a veteran location – Noriega from the Sanitary Section of the Port.  The hare invited us to arrive early so he could show us round the port, so before the run about a dozen of us trooped along the soi in the direction of the Port.

The hare can’t have been there for some time, because at first he seemed to think we should turn right towards the Mosquito Bar and expressway.  However, he soon got his sense of direction back and we headed down a small road beside the main port entrance. From here we got to see the mighty River of Kings from a slightly different angle.  The tour came to life when we discovered a warehouse with the biggest stacks of Leo and Singha beer your scribe has ever seen – probably bigger than the Arc de Triomphe in Paris and infinitely more useful.  Hash Flash was duly called back to record the beer mountains for posterity.

The leisurely stroll brought us to the usual jetty conveniently just at 5:15, the official time for the run to start.  The hare promised that the run would take us to parts other runs had never reached – not an easy achievement in Prapadaeng, and on enquiring your scribe learnt that it was an A to B run.

Finances must be tough at the moment as the boat the hare had commissioned only had seats at the front, leaving a lot of room for ‘standees’ at the back – a bit like Ryan Air wants to do with its planes.  Anyway, it was only a short journey as we were dropped off just a little way upstream from the normal pier.  It was obviously the first part of the trail that was virgin territory, and it soon became obvious why no one had wanted to penetrate it before.  Cannonball generously let your scribe overtake when he could hear the barking of rabid dogs ahead, and after that for about 10 minutes I followed Checkless while he tenderly pushed and cajoled Chocolate Starfish through the virgin bush.

It was with some relief that we eventually came out onto a concrete path, greeted by the hare drinking a bottle of amber liquid.  From then on it was a fairly typical Prapadaeng run, with most of the pack getting back to our normal pier well before dark.  The last back was a returner from yonks ago – Alastair ‘McAnus’ M, who seems to have slowed down over the years.

When we got back to the Sanitary Section Nibbles and Normal had the beer on ice and nibbles on the table.  In the absence of the Grand Mistress, Nibbles ran the circle, and Monday GM Virginia Slim stood in as RA.  Despite Sweetie nominating himself for being completely confused by the new year last week, ToW went to the returner, McAnus.  He then attempted to sell his T-shirt for charity, but no one was feeling charitable enough to even bid two baht for the sweaty apparel.  By now the circle had followed the country into anarchy, and your scribe fled the scene.

Run 1660 Wednesday 4 December 2013

Hare: Jim ‘Virginia Slim’ E
Location: Seri Thai Soi 9
Scribe: Neil ‘Weedeater’ B

I have to admit….when I saw where the run would be, I hesitated. I actually considered making a spurious excuse for not attending Virginia Slim’s run out on Seri Thani Road.

You see, the problem is, I have done runs from near the lake there before. We have pounded up and down the Soi’s, pushed people out of the way around the lake, dodged in and out of traffic. And of one memorable time where we spent so much time trying to solve a clue and got completely lost, some of us actually returned to the A-site fed up and tired and about an hour and a half later than the slowest SCB’s! So, it was with some trepidation and a strong sense of loyalty to the Harriettes, that No Meat and I venture out to the NIDA intersection and Soi 9.

The Mis-directions were surprisingly good. The HHH sign at the bottom of the Soi was clear enough to see and the Lighthouse Pub also in the right place. This was a good start. Though we were early, already there was a good sprinkling of Harriettes milling around the parking area. Nibbles was directing set up operations, while the Hare was doing his best to drown his sorrows with the Tiger and Chiang brands of electrolytic drinks commonly available. Tinker was having a pre-run snooze in the back of Nibbles’ car while Short-shorts was limbering up ready for the sprint. Pencil Prick was trying to climb up to the tailgate of Sharpeners steroid enhanced truck and Captain Erik surveyed the scene from the comfort of his collapsible Throne. Maverick arrives with Dripper, Hump Day and Hold My Pole, the latter two being visitors and daft enough to join us on what was likely to be a shitty city run.

The Hare announces almost no instructions and as Chocolate Starfish and Splatt happily record the event through their electro iconographs, the pack sets off at what can only be described as a leisurely pace normally only associated with those Hashers of the, ahem, Senior Hash of Bangkok. Very soon however, we entered the narrow alleyways with Dripper and Maverick scattering cats, dogs, children and old ladies out of their way. The Barcelona parade of Bulls may be a scary sight but to a female octogenarian looking up out of her soup bowl and seeing Sheep-Shagger, Leg-Iron, Dripper and Pencil Prick bearing down on her, was almost enough to send the poor dear to Happy Land permanently!! Of course being a consummate gentleman, I slowly trundled passed kicking several children out of the way so avoiding the old dear. Out of the alleyways and to the first check. I went the most interesting way and No Meat went back towards the NIDA junction. Needless to say we were both wrong and the BAS***DS who solved the check couldn’t be bothered to go back to the check itself and mark it. COME ON PEOPLE, No Meat and I always either go back for you or make sure someone else at the check picks up paper!

Soon enough we find ourselves running alongside another interesting lake with Short-shorts leading the charge. I finally catch up with the pack…only to go the wrong way at another check. So, once more at the back of the pack but that’s Ok. The Hare imaginatively sent the trail weaving in and out of the trees by the lake, taking us off road which was a bit of fun. Next we find ourselves next a klong and another check. Called OnOn by Dripper, we all sprinted forth, knocking as many fisher-people into the fetid waters as we could. The next check was found by Yours Truly. We crossed the klong, zagged and zigged down the alleyways, finally to emerge onto a dirt road and ultimately another check. While No Meat and Dripper scratched their heads trying to see if the trail went forwards (“oh no they said, it can’t be a back check ‘cos it’s too far”), I went back and solved the check. Again Short-shorts found herself sprinting at the front of the pack with Leg-Iron as we headed back towards the lake on the homeward stretch of the run. Starting to get a bit dark under the trees now. Another check quickly solved, though I completely missed the chalk arrows directing us away from the lake. Under a full head of steam, it took several hundreds of metres for yours truly to grind to a halt, turn around and finally find the trail again. Of course I was at the back again and had the pleasure of catching up a few Hashers as we returned to the A-site.

Nibbles had finally arranged the circle area to her exacting standards, siting the spot light to either intimidate Harriettes or confuse the landing patterns of Suvarnabhumi Airport. The food was great, the beer was great and I have to say….the Run was …excellent! It pains me to say this…but Virginia Slim did an fantastic job and this was the best run I have ever done in this area.

The Circle started with Virginia Slim already somewhat mellowed. We applauded his efforts and helped him become more mellow. We welcomed late-comer Ambrose and the two visitors, then let Leg-Iron loose as the stand-in R.A. He of course meted out justice to those who sinned and ultimately Tit-Of-The-Week was awarded.

As the Circle disbanded, either going to cars or to the restaurant, I have to say it was a thoroughly good evening and it is so good to see Hashers who have been away from the Harriettes, coming back again. We are happy to see you.

Unfortunately, Thursday being a holiday, No Meat and I were stuck in horrendous traffic jams most of the way home! Oh well, OnOn to next week!!

Run 1647 Wednesday 4 September 2013

Hare: Lynda ‘No Meat’ S
Location: Supalai, Tanon Tok

On a day when the Monsoon rains spared us and gave us a pleasant evening, the traffic in the run location was diabolical, unfortunately only a few resilient Hasher’s made it on time, which was a shame, as the trail and run provided by the hares was excellent, despite the numerous checks. A fact confirmed by consensus by all, after the run.

After risking our lives crossing heavily trafficked intersections, we were treated to a business class bus ride which was a surprise. Then the only moments of chaos and disagreements, crossing a very busy road on a high footbridge, with a Check and Trail Back, until the runners finally figured it out and we had to track down a very narrow concrete path with some very black and somewhat smelly waters below! At this point Molly provided the cabaret, with a solo performance of “I cannot climb over the railings”, for which she was rewarded with a lot of help from fellow Hashers.

We then got into the slum areas, long concrete passageways and some surprisingly open spaces in the middle of the city. It seemed like the area soi dogs had some sort of convention going on there were lots of them and they reacted very noisily to the repeated “On On” cries of the Hashers (especially “Deputy Dawg” who was particularly noisy!)

Then it was “On Home” and another unusual surprise, the Circle was held 33 floors up at the Hares (hugely expensive) domain rooftop with a fantastic view of Bangkok and the Riverside down below. Malinee complete with her fashionable plaster cast leg, did a sterling job providing the food and drinks and the GM exerted his authority by insisting that everybody had to make a charge, as the circle was only 12 people strong. Later the group retired to the “View” restaurant down by the river, where “Hash Cash” had efficiently organised some excellent food. There we were joined by the latecomer from Singapore (sorry did not get his name) and Virginia Slim.

All in all an excellent evening… thank you …on on

Altitude Sickness & Snow White.

Run 1646 Wednesday 28 August 2013

Hare: Vichai ‘The Senator’ S
Location: Asok intersection – Bai Mai Raraeng (Dancing Leaf) restaurant

As usual the Wednesday Hashers met for the run which starts ay 5. 30 pm – this time in the Carpark of the ( Dancing Leaf Restaurant ) – an old runsite which is very much liked by the Hare “ The Senator”.  Quite a lot of Runners showed up ( 18 as I remember…..)

We were wondering which directions we would go this time – straight into the Park – but no – we run to the Asok Intersection first then passed the “ Times Square “ Building – on Sukhumvit Road and went a few hundred meter further left into one of the Soi which led us at the end after following a faults trail along the Klong into the Tobacco area ( Can’t remember whats the correct name is for this ?)

A well known area for most of the Hashers – and for sure no running terrain where you can get lost in between the big Warehouses.

After a few Zig Zags’s through the Warehouses we ended up on the Main Road – then followed along the Road = back into the Park along the Lake and made it back to where we started.
Kim had set up as usual the Beer and Nibbles for our treatment – and it was plentiful ……………..
She treated us with some nice homemade dips – several different kind of Crackers and Chips which went nicely down with the liquids which were provided

We had 2 American visitors – one from NY and the other one from Texas which got later into the circle for being selected as “ Prick of the Week “ but-

None of them made it to this honour – instead “ Leg Iron and ?? “ both had the pleasure receiving this..
The On On was in the Restaurant above the Carpark and I trust it was as good as ever

On On

Shiny Helmet

Run 1645, 21 August 2013 – Hare: The Bug. Suan Bua Restaurant, Nonthaburi.

Report by Anon

All the “A” list Brit hashers turned up for this run by another “A” list Brit – The Bug.

There was Snowy, Bullett, Maverick, Nogood boyo,  Linda and Neil, Ed the occasional visitor from the depths of Surrey (?) and a lone Aussie called Tony – who said he was half British!

The only other runner was Molly, a Thai national who had the camera.  Tui and Id turned up but did a very short route and the irrepressible ‘Normal’ turned up later with a car full of booze and snacks. Malinee was there of course setting the table out with cold water and organising the event. Apparently she was the co-hare who according to The Bug knocked him into shape at every check. Such is the discipline of the Harriettes – and it worked very well.

We ran through the bush at the start with Ed storming off finding the first few checks. This was quite astute given that he had not run this run with the BH3 a few weeks previously. On that run we all got b_ggered up on the initial checks and ended up in the dog pound where thousands of dogs were baying for food and attention. They didn’t get any.  

However, this run was nicely set, well marked and not one hasher got lost. We went over the wall at Wat Suan Kaew, and I was impressed by the front runners respect for the Abbot who was giving an open air sermon to many gathered there. Not one hasher without a shirt, not one shouting on-on and all walking to the side of the Abbot respectfully and quietly.  I imagined this scenario in UK or the US where a bunch of hashers come across an outdoor religious meeting. The minister would of course be referring to sin and sinners and would be given the divine cue to point at horrible hashers walking or running by as a sure example of such. Particularly if they were shirtless and shouting on-on disturbing the proceedings.

When we crossed the Bang Kruai – Sai Noi road were surprised to find ourselves going on a left hand loop through more bush. We had permission apparently to run through someone’s property as long as we pushed the door and closed it.  The many dogs at this point were over the moon with excitement at the dozen farangs and a sole Thai moving through their territory.   

At the end of this rather good 6km run, the only disappointment for yours truly was the absence of Tiger Beer. Instead we had the green bottles and cans of Singha.  But I have no problem with the Singha and there were no other dissenting voices about the choice of beer.

The circle was soon called. There was one visitor and returners being The Bug and Nogood Boyo. The Bug had been away from the Wednesday runs because he was doing his recces. Four in all in an area that he knows well. I thought, such is the dedication of this man! 

Nogood Boyo recalled after looking at his TM6 card that he had entered Thailand from Laos in May, but could not remember anything since!! Such is the dedication of this man to ‘sanuk’.

Nogood boyo picked up the start of the RA’s duties and called in nearly everyone for very dubious offences. One, the GM for greeting him, asking where he had been and before getting an answer telling him to do the RA’s job. The other was Malinee who said she had missed NGB so much, put her arm around him and said “do the write up, there’s a darling”!!  The moral here is, do not stay away from the Harriettes run for too long otherwise you will be required to work.

The TOTW was a close run affair between The Bug and Maverick, who according to the GM had not committed any offences, remained quiet and diplomatic. Maverick of course got the award!

So as Snowy got a bunch of bananas from Malinee  we scrambled for the last beers in the cooler.  The Bug called on-in to Suan Bua restaurant where the ex- maitre d of that famous hotel at the north end of Silom, cooked up a storm.  No cold fish on the table but orders straight from the menu.  That’s the way to do it.

Thanks Bug for a very enjoyable run and the Harriettes for the snacks and beers.

Anon.

Run 1640 17 July 2013 – Near Sukhumvit Soi 14, Relaxzone Spa

Report by Checkless:

Our hare Leg Iron agreed it was a shite run – in fact he was proud of it. Running from one of the most congested and polluted road intersections in Bangkok – Asoke/Sukumvit and into the back soi slums down towards Rama 4 was where we were meekly led.

The RV was the Relaxzone Massage and Spa next to Sukumvit BTS. Would we get free tickets? 24 hashers turned out: Hayter, Sheep Shagger, Sheep Shitter, Starfish, Jump Start, Spank Me, Sauerkraut, Checkless, among others. Co Hare/Hash Cash Piya called order and the off. Any hopes for any green park land were dashed as we ran down Ratchadaphisek, straight past the Benjakiti Park and past the Queen Sirikit Convention Centre – crossing the road and into the slums, obviously this is the area that appealed to Leg Iron!

Visitor Ichimura had been looking for Japanese soldiers still hiding out in the jungle since the war on the previous Saturday hash, and failed. He was obviously still looking as he sped off like a rocket. Dashing any chances of a breather at the checks – he quickly found the trails and careered on and on, leaving the following hashers with a hot, fast, polluted slog of a run. The run routed back from Rama 4 through sois 24, 22 (with some strange beery farangs sitting outside bars hardly noticing us as we went by) soi 20, a loop to soi 18 then up onto Sukumvit for the on-in. At the circle were 3 returners and one visitor, and of course lots and lots of down downs.

Run 1637 26 June 2013 – Saphan Phut

A big group of Harriettes showed up for Drunkin’ Donut’s run from Saphan Phut. Just goes to show that, if you have a good combination of run location and hare, the masses will follow. More A-to-B runs in the old part of town, please!

Due to choosing the wrong motorcycle taxi driver (a woman!), your Scribe arrived late for the run. Thankfully, I was joined by fellow late-comers Ambrose and Manboobs. Showing his disdain for the haremanship of Drunkin’ Donut and his co-hare Stevie Blunder, he lit a cigar and proceeded to smoke it throughout the run. (Fast forwarding for a second, I gleefully noted that Manboobs expressed a wish to slow down right before the end of the run.)

The run wound its way through small alleys past the Memorial bridge and stayed in the excellent Hashing area between Sampheng market and the river until we did a hard u-turn right before heading the more built-out area closer to the Sheraton Royal Orchid. At this time, our three-man team still had not made contact with the pack. That changed as soon as we reversed direction and headed into Sampheng market. There we spotted main pack stragglers Leg Iron and Doug, who looked bewildered and in need of help. Help they got, and soon we were back criss-crossing dark alleys and dragging Ambrose away from engaging conversations with men that you’d think were too young for him. After a particularly impassioned stretch of running, we spied the hares and, to their great embarrassment, ran them down to secure a sure down-down for the Circle.

Mentioning the second time we caught the hares would be cruel and unnecessary, so I will not get into that. Let’s suffice to say that the trail wound through Chinatown on the way back and ended up at a location B that probably is still not known to most of the participants. Especially to Doug, who in fact never made it to point B. If anyone sees him selling sex in Lumphini Park to get money for taxi home, tell him we had a great Circle.

Speaking of the Circle, Grand Master Weedeater opened by explaining the New Rules: neither Grand Master nor Religious Advisor have immunity in the Circle, except as it relates to nomination for Tits of the Week. These were words he doubtlessly regretted later, as the assembled Hashers poured one drink after another to the hapless leader. Of course, the hares were not spared in the Circle, and Drunkin’ Donut and Stevie Blunder probably both set Circle records for liters of beer consumed per kg of body weight (admittedly easier to do when you weigh 50 kg like these two midgets). Notably, ex-US military man Leg Iron was renamed “Leaves No Man’s Behind” for losing Doug towards the end of the run. This has got to count as one of the best Circles in a long while.

Thanks to the hares for an excellent run!

On-on, PV

Run 1636 19 June 2013 – Nakon Inn Road

Andrew “NO NO” Morrison outdid himself again with run number 1635, at Nakon Inn Road, with an On On at the famous Cowboy Restaurant.

The run started in a magnificent rain storm which did not succeed in wiping out the paper that was significant of a well marked trail. As we ambled through the half jungle and stumbled through the weeds the rains continued and finally were able to wipe out some of the few chalk marks that we needed to make and complete the run.

However, even though the run path crossed and caused us to cut the run by half, the rain stopped and most except some short cutters completed a truly fine run.

Run 1631 15 May 2013 – Talat Phlu – Hema

We gathered at the Talat Phlu (betel nut market) by Khlong Bangkok Yai, under the Charan Sanitwong road bridge.

A short briefing was given by hare, Hema, about the materials used to mark the trail, and then we were off, down a narrow soi following Khlong Bangkok Yai.

Then a detour to the left along a khong path, checking here, before heading west again; a short backcheck slowed the FRB, until reaching Wat Waramattayaphanthasaram “Wat Waramat”, with huge statues of deities or demons, located on Khlong Bangkhun Thien (aka Khlong Dan). The trail was found on the far side of the Wat, on the humpback bridge over the wide khlong where the tour boats pass, into Wat Apson Sayan Worawainan, then leading into a maze of narrow sois. A check in the maze; great confusion! Flour was found, this time heading south along Khlong Dan and crossing Thoet Thai Rd, to Wat Chee Chotikaram; a check by the khlong; paper headed further south to an FT, which brought the runners back to find paper heading west into Wat Nak Prok.

Leaving the Wat through the market, by the northern entrance, over Thoet Thai Rd., the trail led left, before turning right down a wide soi, over a khlong bridge, followed by a sharp turn to the right, leading into residences and pot plants, through a wet market, on to Khlong Phasi Charoen (see note below **); left along this very wide and straight khlong, a long run to a road bridge and a check, with the trail back along the other side of the klong, then at the obvious shortcut bridge, left into narrow sois, into Wat Nuan Noradit on Khlong Bangkok Yai; out the east entrance, and down a soi heading to a the Watergate on Khlong Phasi Charoen, where the old timber bridge had been removed. This Watergate complex has a large pond and a second Watergate, fortunately, with a steel bridge. The trail led ever the Watergate and left into Wat Pak Nam. Then back along Khlong Dan, over the humpback bridge to Wat Waramat, on to Talat Phlu.

A well-marked trail in historic Thonburi; much appreciated by all who attended the run. The On-On restaurant, close-by, on the Khlong, served excellent Thai food.

Thank you, Hare.

** Khlong Phasi Charoen links the Tha Chin river to Khlong Bangkok Yai) and ends southward of Wat Ang Thong in Krathum Baen district. It is approximately 30 km long and follows a remarkably straight line. The construction began in 1866 and was completed in 1872. The canal was named after the man who had overseen the project. The khlong was funded by a toll-tax on water born transport. A sign near the Watergate refers to the people digging the khlong receiving payment in opium.

Run 1629 1 May 2013

“Meet at Udom Suk” at 1.00 pm was the instruction and so in a boiling 37c we assembled on Sukhumvit Road and watched the traffic grinding past. Madam and Jake the American guy from Chiang Mai plus Bernard turned up, followed by Sweety and Rin, and of course Mollie the Van Lady. Virginia said he was feeling ill and didn’t show (what an excuse !). First stop was Wat Sai King for a quick “tamboon” and a walk around the market, and then on to the runsite. Arriving at 3.00 pm the temperature was still at 36c (“feels like” 42c according to my phone). The run time was postponed to 4.30pm in the hope of a cool down giving time for a few “pre hash” beers and a lecture from Sweety about the current state of the Cypriot banking sector (basically its crap).

Finally we were off at a steady amble into the flower gardens of Samut Prakan, following a well laid trail in pleasant countryside. Stevie Blunder took the lead as usual – buzzing around at the front of the pack – solving every check and generally behaving like a hyperactive 37 year old. Stevie’s female “team” followed on faithfully – being his mum and his “better half”. If Stevie is 37 then that makes his mum ??

Bullett brought up the rear with Bernard – being continually harassed by a wide assortment of aggravated soi dogs.

Stevie Blunder breaks all records – is this man really 50 years old ?

Meanwhile our Hash had been joined by a large number of junior members.

For me the run was extremely educational as now I finally know where Thai Airways get all their bouquets

We ran through spectacular scenary – rural Thailand at its best – no litter in sight !

First back was our most senior hasher (Sweety) followed by Ambrose the second most senior (by two weeks), and Madam (average age of the 3 was 69 years old).

Harriettes still serving the best snacks – home made pate sandwiches made to a secret recipe involving liquor soaked offal.

At the Circle the Hares were congratulated for a good run.

Stevie’s Mum, Missus and Bernard were welcomed.

At this point Bernard “came out” as Tit Of The Week and was duly christened “Farterland” by the Circle.

For party bookings featuring Farterland please contact the HonSec for a price list and availablility.

From the Circle we retired to the restaurant for a great meal featuring Ostrich and Crocodile as well as excellent fish and prawns.

Run 1627  17 April 2013

Despite Hooter Poop-cake’s noble efforts (along with “rusty” co-hare, Maverick) to set another looping trail at his favorite (infamous?) run site; the pack was alarmingly small, old and slow. (Or maybe there is cause-and-effect at play somehow…?)

Even so and as always, our wonderful Hash-Piss, Miss Nibbles, was prepared for all contingencies with heavy-laden cool boxes with supplies that would satisfy a small army.

These were off-loaded and rearranged interminably. And then rearranged again to make her work area “just right”. (Well, women are like that; whether Harriettes or not!)

With no ranking members of the Committee available (GM, absent; Hash Cash, AWOL and so on), it was left to our intrepid hare to mismanage the On-Out as well as to provide misdirections for the trail.

Just as we were to head out, a phone call came in with frantic pleas from Sheep Shagger and Sweetie to aid their arrival in a taxi with a meter rapidly overheating from spinning off kilometers. Despite calls from the pack to ignore them and leave the silly old sods to their own devices, Nibbles did her best. (Seems it did not go so well. They later reported the fare to have been 400 baht coming from Ekkamai where they foolishly believed they would be picked up by Ambrose who apparently ensnared them in a practical joke.)

Eventually, the pack took off with a wheeze and a prayer. Bullit and Barbie hit an early check that allowed trailing Hashers, including the “Brenda Brothers” and Terachai, to catch up. (Due to late arrival, Deep Bagger and Sqealie were directed to the mid-point of the trail to ensure their return before the circle ended, alas.)

As darkness descended, the merits of a well-laid trail played itself out as the Hares had done a sterling job of setting a reasonable number of checks, followed by ample marking. In sum, it was a good effort wasted on a tiny bunch of wheezing Seniors.

Providing proof that central planning and rule-by-committee is unnecessary, a circle was spontaneously formed and conducted in good form. Inasmuch as there were no visitors present, suspense built over the awarding of Tits of the Week.

Squealie made the mistake of revealing that the had transferred vast sums from Cyprus to Thailand prior to the banking crisis, probably precipitating it and also being responsible for the recent unwieldy appreciation of the baht. As if this was not bad enough, the pack was reminded that moves by the Cypriot government caused panic in the gold market.

It soon became clear that individual actions and guilt by association in contributing to global financial turmoil made all the sins of all others excusable.

Once “socialist drinking” was ended, the numbers dwindled further leaving Hapless Play-cock in a bit of a pickle. After a recent triumph where he was able to deliver a band of 20 merry Hashers for an On-On-On, he had booked for at least 12.

We were ushered into a private room well iced by the blast of a large AC unit that seemed to set the flatscreen TV below into a mass of static and fuzzy images. Perhaps to save face (or perhaps because he is just a decent human being), the Hare generously paid for a sumptuous meal that was enjoyed by all.

Run 1615  23 January 2013

Right Up…. errr… Write Up by Scottish Bog

The Spectre of the local Voodoo lord was ever present on this stop start run. Gray, and looking for blood, hare McSwirley seemed to be searching for blood at every twist and turn.

Arriving at the start of the blood sucking crime scene, all seemed quite tranquil and comfortably located on rural land behind Mega and Ikea which will surely be overrun by developers and speculators in the flash of a brown envelope. It certainly seems to be overrun by low voiced ladies, see – see the video

A small but enthusiastic group swollen by visitors and set out back up the access road to Muang Keaw Golf Course and new Moobaans. Soon we were on the on dykes surrounding farm land where Voodoo elements strangely began to appear, squashed rats then numerous shells of large green water snails. Nobody seemed to notice.

Crunching on we came out on to hard top road again. Did you notice the flat frogs, Voodoo children? Fairly stung out until a fairly strenuous check identified by Ambrose and Ainee who had disappeared for a disproportionate period of time before emerging exhausted from the thicket unable to call ‘’On On’’ but simply flail their arms in the air. Or was it some long lost Voodoo lovers’ ritual. Only time will swell us.

This great re-emergence of primal instinct took us yet again into the thick of farmland dykes and what was that, another freshly killed black rat? Nay, this is getting eerie. Popping out on to blacktop the once more stretched pack, after stepping over dried lizards, were herded together on the concrete bridge into nowhere land and an awkward check which fretted for a considerable time. Taking relief, so to speak, various bums hung over the clong retaining wall on the pretence of resting but looking remarkably like a communal Chinese toilet I was compelled to use back in 19888. And me a Water and Sanitation engineer too, for emergency relief I may add.

Leg Iron crossed the little red painted wooden bridge to a pair of run down houses and poked about saying that was not the trail. Vagaboberlis, after quite a few minutes, went in again up to one house then the other’s front garden and, out of politeness, progressed no further. The Senator tried his best which was not good enough. It was only what seemed like ten minutes later an unidentified hasher, perhaps by now endowed with special Voodoo powers from all those icons laid by the Voodoo Master McSwirley allowed him to pass through the house’s garden closely observed by an unusually large, expressionless and silent, Thai Boy Scout who stared blankly ahead.

The pack and the Dumpsters, now relieved, took to the trail once more. Along a rough road to yet another check that appeared to have been set alight. Self-ignition or had some hidden ghoul appeared to deal it’s devilish duty on flummoxing the already frustrated followers of McSwirley. And what was that? Surely not. But yes, a flattened upturned turtle.

The hare must surely have enlarged inside pockets like Poachers Pocket to contain all this vermin, nay, the paraphernalia of religious rights that leads him to his greater powers to daze and confuse a normally spirited group.

A single strand of paper on the clong concrete pathway gives away the secret of the burned out check and gets us back on to the trail. While Shiny Helmet wobbles over a single plank which would not have carried the weight he was last year, the rest took the 2 meter wide bridge further down. And so to the big gravel road and many little Thai stalls of the ever available food and loads of the usual other stuff. A final turn and the great illuminations of Ikea and Mega are final guiding lights back to the relief of the beer truck.

And there was Drunkin Donut, last out first in, almost.

Relief of the beer truck? Those bulging pockets of the hare had one last offering to test the non-shiny metal of the pack. Mosquitoes. Not just one or two but ‘tousands and tousands’ as the Irish would say. Sucking enough blood from the now less spirited pack to fill the veins of all the dried rats and frogs, lizards and turtles intermittently scattered along the trail.

Substitute GM, No Meat, conjured up a rapid circle was formed. The Voodoo Rights Of the Evening were performed in dreadlock speed while we still had blood in our veins. The substitute RA Weed Eater insisted the visitors who sang very good songs sing even their own, Sean, with a more bass voice that her song master friend, and Steve (?), the larger than life walker from Aberdeen, or was that Johnny Walker.

Piya was praised for being the most photographed drunk of the hash.

Chris, the Burmese, who comes not from Noo York but from Nyoo Yawk, was appropriately named Tits of the Week. He certainly would catch the eye of many of the inhabitants of Silom Soi 4. Unable to finish is extended Down Down with chants of Why are we Waiting, Forget me Not, who made Chris come, for the second time it has to be said was punished by publically finishing it off.

Nibbles stoically set up and survived the onslaught of Mosquito Mother Nature serving our necessary sustenance of a constant supply of beer and yum yum nibbles.

The On On On , traditionally hosted by the Hare, remained un-hosted, perhaps some additional Voodoo rights had to be observed before the extracted blood coalesced. A small cosy group of six enjoyed the hospitality of a very nice old fashioned traditional restaurant juggling the needs of carnivores and ‘the others’. Well served and cared for, the main waitress even returned to thank us for the tip. Kop khun crap.

Run 1614, 16 January 2013

For this writer, the ‘socialization window’ phase of Run # 1614 began even before reaching the parking lot venue where the Harriettes were gathering. I became involved in a fateful, coincidental mess – a syzygy, whereby a loose domino from the set that fell apart in my suitcase found its way into the toe of the running shoe that I would be using at this week’s run.

If that weren’t enough, the shoelace of the above mentioned running shoe suddenly shredded, meaning I could not get the bloody thing off, and so the said domino – a 6 / blank – might have to remain in my shoe for the whole run. I needed a knife to cut the shoelace, and fast; but dear me, Puerto Ricans seem to be everywhere, but where are they when you need them?

As it turned out, though, one of visitors to the January 16 run was indeed a ‘Portojo.’ Of all the luck! But this quickly turned sour when ‘Carlos,’ who also answers to a Spanish name – not even a Hash name – which translates into ‘Sweet Dick,’ sheepishly admitted that although Puerto Rican, he was not, in fact, carrying a blade. “Some Portojo,” I thought, “can’t even dress himself properly.”

As it turned out, the required knife was supplied by the ever so serviceable Leg Iron, who regaled us with his knowledge of just about everything. The subject of knives brought out a story of seeing a poor devil sliced to ribbons by a Burmese policeman. Meeting Sweet Dick brought out an epistle on the dicey state of Puerto Rican highways. Hill tribes in Kashmir; commercial fishing off the Devonshire coast; the superiority of vaginal sex over every other kind: just ask the Leg Iron.

Armed with this information, I wandered into the pre-hash circle and zeroed in on what I thought were two lesbians, the coquettish Mongolian Crutch from Taiwan and girlfriend, Mali, a local girl. Although I didn’t see a sign of a monocle on either, I knew they were indeed a couple because they were standing next to each other, chatting frantically, instead of lavishing attention on the magnificent male specimens of the Harriettes, who were beginning to arrive at the circle.

“We are NOT Lesbians,” MC protested. “We both have husbands and boyfriends.” Now, that was one impressive revelation. All that servicing, in addition to running one or more HHH’s? They must be EXHAUSTED. Although I had serious doubts still, short of checking the Harriettes’ handbags for dildos, there was no way of determining who was actually whom.

Moving on, I stumbled on Sky King, a Ugandan, wearing an Entebbe Hash T-shirt, and undoubtedly one of the tallest members of any Hash, at an unbelievable 6’7”. Not surprisingly, this Hasher effortlessly ran the required loop and stumbled in first. I did think about grilling him about the Ugandan effort to wipe out same-sexism in his country by prescribing the death penalty for getting the wrong blowjob – but a stern look from bystanders, plus the guy’s height made me think again.

I next cohabited with the no-nonsense Malini; (no sign of a dildo or monocle here) who asked me to write this week’s run report, as she casually dispensed beer. Taking a swig of the stuff, I nearly choked. It WAS my favorite Thai beer – Beer Singh – but it was the tasteless Singha LITE beer! “Why are the Harriettes serving this pussy beer,” I fumed, but a look around the group made me wonder no more:

A shirtless male Hasher who was performing pre-run ablutions provided the answer: the average Bangkok HHHer, whether male or female, obviously has a physique that should be COMPLETELY covered up. You certainly wouldn’t want to be responsible for adding yet more calories to already sorry figures. And you certainly wouldn’t want them drunker.

Next on my list was the lovely and ageless No-meat, Linda, minus her meaty counterpart, Neil, who I understand does in fact consume animalism. She graciously took my 200 baht, and explained that the On-on (which of course she would not be attending, along with the circle, which she also now foregoes) would include some vegetarian options, besides the big bowl of white rice that usually constitutes the vegetarian meal that I typically pay 200 baht for. I thought about asking No-meat why she boycotts the apres-Hash festivities, but she was blushing so intensely that sunscreen was everywhere, she might just die of embarrassment.

The run finally started, beginning with the crossing of a pedestrian bridge over the highway that separates Queen Sirikit Park and from the rest of the city. It was a sweet little city run, through sois densely packed with foodstalls and snack vendors, dodging motorcycles and frustrated drivers, past filthy klongs and mangy street dogs, following chalk or paper that was often totally imaginary.

As always when doing city runs, the locals take an active interest in the proceedings and were ever helpful with providing information, such as which way do we go? “Did you see a group crazy farangs run by here,” I asked a passing ladyboy. “They no crazy,” the subject protested “they enjoy!” As always in Thailand, sanuk, rather than love or logic, conquers all.

In the end, the trail led into hopeless oblivion as the pack went off paper and got hopelessly lost. The runner I was paired with for most of the run, a statuesque woman who I can only refer to here as ‘Dutch Treat,’ (though she is actually from Denmark) and I finally gave up in bewilderment, and followed short-cutter Big Robert (he also has a totally forgettable Hash name which is difficult to pronounce) back to the beer truck and circle.

Once there, Khunying Kim, the Grandmistress, took expert control of the group and with motherly kindness, urged the group to shut the f*ck up and participate in the proceedings. Tits of the week was awarded to our PR visitor, Carlos, aka Sweet Dick, who seemed to clearly enjoy the attention.

The On-on was held in one of our more unusual venues. The restaurant was packed chock-a-bloc with mostly farangs, meaning the food was probably actually good. I really wouldn’t know, as I couldn’t eat most of it, and even if I could, I was, as usual, so tipsy that most of the remaining evening would be blacked out.

In the end, like most Hashers, I found myself home in my bed, with absolutely no recollection how I got there, and little memory of the entire evening. One thing that this did tell me, though, was that it was a good run.

Run 1613, 9 January 2013

Only those who were there will know what the rest of the Harriettes missed.

Assembly at 16:15 ( as per the newsletter ) saw 5 members turn up at the 35 Km mark from downtown. By 17:15 one other person was there, and that was the number who ran at 17:30.

The start was way down at the isthmus of the Chow Preah next to the naval base and at the end of the road.

The Hare, Tom and co-hare dog told us that we could do the 6 k or the 9k run. The only difference was that the longer run would be half in the dark and would have twice the mud. We were supposed to believe that he had chopped down palm trees with a borrowed machete to enable us to navigate the mud we would encounter.

As the song goes, ‘mud we wanted, mud we got’, so after setting off at a strong clip, the 5 of us, Malinee stayed back to mind the beer,  and soon we were calling to each other to locate paper. This paper was cunningly colored to match the mud and so was invisible from more than 10 feet. But after navigating the lakes, water farms and klongs we indaad found the long-promised mud. And checks. And checks that were supposed to be there but weren’t.  But the mud was. Indeed the promised fronds were laid occasionally to make everything slippery and to throw you off balance.

After an hour of this we met the Hare who was laying the short run. 6.5 km. So Thityia, Maverick and I headed for home along the concrete path with the bouncy wooden plank bridges.

Tinker and The Senator had, following a slippery episode earlier, decided to short cut home. Big mistake. Ultimately they made it in, sweating and swearing in equal parts.

Gary Glitter did the long run on his own and made it back.

Also seen was Erswell looking exhausted and sweating and when I asked him what he’d done he said ‘I went for a walk down the concrete path’. Normal was standing around generally being GMish.

Following the circle the Hare said that he would be happy to pay for the on-on. Not only that, but the GM would supply French champagne and red  wine. And there were only 10 of us. Should we call everyone we knew to come on down for this great opportunity, or should we keep it for ourselves? You know what happened.

Actually a good run in a great area. The restaurant tried hard and good cheer all round.

Your Scribe.

Run 1612, 2 January 2013

A Trail of Psychedelic Chalk – By Ian “Frozen Stiff” N.

The illustrious Hares were “City Girl” and “Shiny Helmet” and we started from (and finished at) the Dancing Leaf restaurant near the Queen Sirikit National Conventional Centre on Thanon Ratchadaphisek.

Goodness knows what the Hares had been smoking (possibly Tuk-Tuk exhaust fumes?), but they decided to mark the trail with a psychedelic combination of coloured chalks, namely red, yellow and blue, rather than with the traditional, bridal, white chalk. Some hashers, including this one, claimed colour-blindness and ended up following random passers-by or an imaginary trail of black chalk back to the Dancing Leaf in order to fast-track the excellent snacks and beverages.

We set off across the Thanon Ratchadaphisek and took the opportunity of a quick Shopping Check – yours truly had forgotten to bring running socks so a timely visit to Foodland (cheese section, of course) was required in order to acquire the missing apparel – before zig-zagging through some lovely backstreets until we stampeded a bewildered Security Guard who foolishly thought he could prevent the Hash from running through his compound (never heard of King Canute??).

We crossed back under Thanon Ratchadaphisek using the MRT tunnels and circled the Benjakiti Park before arriving On Home at the Dancing Leaf, where we were treated to mince pies (yes, do not adjust your reading glasses, we had real mince pies!) and a variety of other snacks and fruits before the Circle.

The cold beer obviously had a soothing effect on our tonsils, leading to some excellent renditions (and a few dodgy notes) of Hash songs by our massed Choir Ensemble. Purple Vein, our Texan visitor from Hiroshima Japan (who arrived at the restaurant by Tuk-Tuk directly from the airport rather than from her nearby hotel, judging by the exorbitant price she paid to the Tuk-Tuk driver) was in fine form and chugged her congratulatory Down-Down like a good ‘un. She was joined by Sauerkraut, Leg Iron, Ambrose, John L., Gooseman, Terry, Vimon, Little Richard, Thittiya, Brenda (claiming a bad back due to attending an ‘exercise class’… yeah right!!!), Jumpstart, Snowie, Virginia Slim and yours truly. Apologies to any names I may have missed, but the cold, flowing beer had a numbing effect on my grey cells 😉

After the Circle, we climbed the staircase to sample the culinary delights of the Dancing Leaf, and we were treated to an excellent, tasty combination of Thai foods and our beloved cold beverages for a remarkably low price. Again, compliments to the Hares for a great job with the organization…

… so, being the first and only Wednesday Hash of the year so far, we unanimously decided that it was definitely the best (and the worst) run of 2013 so far.

Cheers,
Frozen Stiff

Run 1611, 26 December 2012

Railway line run for the harriettes again, Tinker and Titiya are the hares. A Boxing Day run, why is the hare American? Perhaps because the real significance of this day is that in the Battle of Trenton in 1776 during the American War of Independence, the Continental Army attacked and successfully defeated a garrison of Hessian mercenaries hired by our British tormentors. For Hash Hash it was an occasion to celebrate his buddy Al Gore’s birthday. And for those of you who care it was also Father’s Day in Bulgaria, but did anyone mention any of this significance, of course not.

But I digress, Tinker told a few of the FRBs to take a morning jog as he wasn’t about to set a marathon run, however, Titiya never promised anything; should be a short easy boring trail we thought … no sweat….. so out we went taking our time after a check in the middle of the bus depot until we finally found the trail over the highway and into the encampments along the klong. Unfortunately this was after Tickler checked south … we never did see him again till he arrived just before the circle; he said after an hour or so off trail he finally found some arrows to follow – good for him!!!!

We always go left or across and so we did for a long time only to find out it was a right turn up the klong and then across … real running began, time passed, this is a bus back from B someone said hopefully. Darkness fell. Pussy Virus ran on and left us behind, Neal and No Meat slunk off alone to do who knows what (they said they were just following paper but who knows). What would happen to Lobster Man on a trail this vicious we wondered? We came to construction, railroad tracks, lost in the dark, into our second hour reaching water, back tracked to a missed left turn which was now a right turn and over the klong … finally on our way back in… a difficult hole to find in the fence and then a fairly straightforward run on in …. 10 plus kilometers …

Tinker said it’s hard to judge distance when your setting trail on a motorcy. Virginia Slim said it wasn’t like this in Singapore! Hungry Bum had to escort him the entire way to keep him from getting lost. Deputy Dog was waiting as we arrived back, how did that happen? City Girl and Vimol did not even break a sweat, great trail they said.

Malinee was waiting with drinks and snacks as we arrived. The hares were honored with a beer, visitors and virgins recognized then Pussy Virus took over as the RA. Mayhem followed. The youngest cute guy won tits of the week for I am not sure what. Finally the hares were forgiven as we finished with a magnificent dinner outside on the patio of the driving range. On on to next week’s debacle! Wish I could remember more but I almost forgot I was tasked to do a write up!!!

Run 1606, 21 November 2012

Hares: Peter ‘Sauerkraut’ H and Mollie ‘Chocolate Starfish’.
Location: Wat Bang Nam Phueng Nok, Phra Pradaeng

Well, Sauerkraut and Chocolate Starfish set the run of 21 November and it turned out to be interesting.

After catching the boat amid numerous motorcycles and nearly falling off the pier, numerous Hashers finally disembarked on the far shore and proceeded to follow the well marked trail until dark. Some of our fellow Hashers forgot to bring flashlights which slowed them down considerably and Sauerkraut managed to leave a few on the shore. If it wasn’t for Jumpstart they may still be wondering around in circles.

As usual Jumpstart used her superior skills of short cutting and shopping to find fellow Hashers who missed the boat and bring them back to the heaven of beer and food on the far shore. Sauerkraut and his co-hare Chocolate Starfish set a very superior trail complete with visible marks, which even the most ignorant Hasher could follow.

After returning from the run all enjoyed the circle and proceeded as there were no quests and all members of the Wednesday Hash.

AGM 2011 25 May 2011

Koh Kret

Hares: Weedeater and No Meat

I was only saying to Bruised Willy the other day, that Nonthaburi is the place to live if you don’t work in town and don’t like spending B70k per month on a condo. You can also get out and run and bike without calling a taxi and travelling for an hour. Which brings me to the AGM run at Koh Kret, probably the fourth run in the Non’ area in the last two months, with two more to come that I know of.  For me – great. For others who work in town and have to get out here – depending on the time, sometimes grim.  So arriving late were Dunking Donut, Bullet and Pussy Virus. With a group of us including Cenghis, Tickler, Teerachai, Vichai Senator arrived on the same ferry right on time.Dunkin Donut only had to come from Impact Arena, Muang Thong Thani, a distance of 3km where he was displaying his pasties, pastries and pies but he took the wrong option on Chaeng Wattana instead of Tivanon Rd and missed most of the run. Bullet apparently pulled away on the ferry to see Pussy Virus arriving seconds too late for the boat. They both did the run of sorts, but never saw each other again until the end!

A good crowd was sent off by the Hares from the restaurant. The alleyways preventing running for a while and then we were all off on a jog. ‘Off paper’ came the call and some went forward, others milled around and others went back.  4×2 and I were standing there smiling at auntie Noi who was selling peanuts and things. Being curious I picked up her basket to look at its contents and lo and beheavens there was revealed a U-turn chalk mark, covered up all the time!!  So thanks to auntie Noi, we all eventually ran back from where we came and the hares looked perplexed and wondered where we had been all the time! Then we got into bridge country. I guess Tickler backed away to do an alternative run at this point.  I slid onto the first plank to snap the bamboo balancing pole but leaving the plank in place.  Then there was a lovely sign which we passed advertising AGRO TOURISM, immediately picked up by the Brits, Maverick and 4×2 who speculated aloud on titles like…

“Hey bastard! Come and visit my home stay and I’ll give you a shit time”  and

“YOU YOU Farang pig , have I got a great deal for you, you effing aresehole”  or

“Hey C…t come and visit Fawlty Towers, we guarantee that you’ll have an awful time and we’ll beat the shit out of your kids too if you complain”

And things like that!!  Such was the hilarity at the thought of this sign we completely ignored Cenghis who was in fact – for once in his long hashing life – ON TRAIL!!

I found myself in front of the pack after a U-turn. I arrived at a check at the end of a field furrowed with water breaks.  I just could not get around onto the next island where we could see the bloody paper!  Good old macho Heath Norris asks whether he should he attempt the gap, to which I replied YES OF COURSE.  Brilliant!!  Bloody brilliant!! Up to his neck in deep dark khlong water he had to swim a couple of strokes to make it to the other side!!!  Nice entrapment hares!!

Then it was retracing our steps, now being at the back of the pack, to cross over way back from where we came.  A lovely long tree trunk persuaded some refusals, but Joylide just skipped across which encouraged me to follow.  Trouble is she didn’t get off the end of the log she came back towards the middle with a balancing pole.  It was close, but we could have lost two hashers in that murky water at least a metre away beneath the log. Imagine the headlines: Joylide and No good Boyo gone to rest at the bottom of a khlong in Koh Kret!! Romantic somehow and worth penning words to a tune?

At this time the daily storm was gathering at the same time as it has up here for the last week, so I hurried into the bush, smacking my skull on an immovable tree. Teerachai was behind, but I didn’t want to show my pain, being a macho male and carried on screaming inwardly.Makin Bacon appeared in front of me, which is a surprise as on a straight run she is a lot faster than this old fart, but she picked her way over the myriad stays of wires that were strung exactly at ankle length.  I then heard a crash and a muffled curse behind me, turned and saw Bimbo flat on his face muttering into the grass.

ABB appeared behind me, but not desperate to pass as he normally is. I think the hash flash position is taken seriously!  Good.  Handjob andWhining Wino appear on the concrete walkway, and at a nice U-turn we swerved left to begin our loop back to the restaurant.  We passed through someone’s lounge but that didn’t matter because they were all watching the latest ‘lakorn’ or Thai soap on Thai CH3 oblivious to us passing. For you ‘lakorn’ lovers who know, a note: Reaya RIP darling, I loved you even if millions of Thais didn’t!!

Then we ran through their lovely garden and opened their magnificent teak doors to get out onto the public path again.  We were off paper now, but it didn’t matter. Through the Wat and a quick sprint home with SomHeathABB and Hank.

Now it was PISSING down. Sweetie who had keeled over earlier in the week came in ashen faced 30 minutes after us, then in comes Bulletand Pussy Virus, who had been circulating separately around the island directionless with the chalk now all washed away!!

We had three barrels of beer to drink and canapes from Dunkin. I must make a note of thanks for the ladies (Kim, Malinee, Crash, Somand the rest) who organised and distributed the beers. Also thanks toDunkin for the snacks and the Hares for bringing this all together. But the night wasn’t yet at a close, as the rain subsided Bullet and our now new man-GM told me about the time a long time ago, when they nearly bought the restaurant in which we were standing for B3M. But very fitting I thought to have the founder back in as the GM of the renamed Wednesday Hash whose new committee was announced.

The Hares and other concerned motorists left a little before the rest of us concerned that their cars would be locked in the Wat as they were the last time they were here.  And so it happened again!!  I feel sorry for the Monk who had to be awakened from his Pali dreams to open the gate at 9.15pm and return to his bare bunk in time for a bit of shut-eye before waking again at 4am. I guess the word that came to his mind was ‘heathens’!!

On On

NGB

Run 1555 14 December 2011

A Hash Which Will Live in Infamy – By Rob “Forky” J

Sixty years after the attack on Pearl Harbor, Fred “Sweety” Ayris commanded a raid of his own as Hare of Wednesday’s run. A well marked trail (cough, cough) led the hounds immediately down Soi Cowboy (where some, no doubt, ended up later), a promising sign of things to come. This would have been an absolute disaster for the continuation of the run had any of the bars been open, but On On we went.

Crossing Sukhumvit, the howlers zigzagged their way toward a greatly anticipated drink stop which included a bit of history and Sweety’s introduction of the “Depth Charge” or “Torpedo” (depending on which side you’re on). Many thanks go to Sweety and his team of beautiful helpers for the snacks and libations!

After getting a taste of the nectar of the gods which also waited at the finish, the Hashers were eager to get back to the trail, but one challenge was lurking in an otherwise straight forward “second half.” One tricky Back Check atop an octagonal footbridge was all it took to splinter the group into smaller packs as they sniffed out their own creative trails to the On In. Very few “On Ons” were heard in the homestretch, but everyone made it back to the kennel, eventually.

Cold beers in hand, hashers were introduced to many “new” songs in what was one of the liveliest and energetic circles in recent Wednesday Hash history. Many of the songs were introduced and led by Jim “Bimbo” E as well as by Drew “Short Time” J. Thanks for the fun and perversion, boys! You are to be commended, or committed.

Even Hand Job, Shiny Helmet, Shaggy and Adorable Blue Balls joined the choir, we didn’t know you had it in you boys.

Unlike the attack on Pearl Harbor, this December 7th everyone survived, even the late-joining “Lost Frenchman.” Whether it was the scent of hops or the calling howls of the kennel, Eric “Drunkin’ Donut” eventually found his way back to the safe harbor of the circle.

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